Author: Kristian Golding

You know how you get music that is so bad it’s good again? Wesley Willis is one of those people who has created such music. I heard one of his songs when I was watching “Supersize Me” and thought “I know him!” The guy is dead now unfortunately, but he did leave a treasure-trove of interesting ramblings. This website has the “Chicken Cow” mp3 that you can download of Wesley’s, as well as some other rather twisted, spaced out musak from other various “artists”. Here are some of the lyrics for “The Chicken Cow”

This beast attacked my brother

It stabbed him in the ass while he was in the cold

His hands were frostbitten

His hands were also numb

The Chicken Cow

The Chicken Cow

The Chicken Cow

The Chicken Cow

Gold! Here is an excerpt from another of Wesley’s songs, “I smoke weed”

I smoke my crack pipe every day

I have a good time at it

I jack my mother for dope money

I do it by threatening her life with a semi-automatic

I smoke weed

I smoke weed

I smoke weed

I smoke weed

Whoa, I better get some sleep. But before I go – I didn’t know The Hansons were still around, let alone releasing another album!

They’re the only thing I can watch time and time again, and thank God, they have saved my arse many a time when the only other things to watch on television are those God-awful afternoon soapies (Passions being the worst of a very bad bunch). So I went to see “Fahrenheit 9/11” and “Supersize Me” on Friday night. F9/11 was absolutely awesome! The cinema it was being shown at was packed, the first time I’ve ever seen it that full, and I swear the whole room was getting hotter as people in the audience were getting more fired up (me DEFINITELY included). I think one of my favourite parts was when Michael Moore was asking members of Congress whether they’d like to enlist their sons/daughters into the defence forces. Ooh, that, and all the parts where George W. Bush was looking like an idiot. Some people would no doubt disagree with the viewpoint that Moore put across, probably saying that it was polarised to being anti-Bush, but I think that we’re in a better place now that doco was made. I was completely unaware of a lot of what was presented even though I thought I knew a bit about what was going on, and it’s made me go and research it on the Internet. As an aside to all this corruption talk, a while back I found a de-classified document which described plans from the early 60’s that the then American government had drawn up to make it appear that Cuba had attacked the US. It’s a pretty amazing read – I’ll put in a link when I find it again.

“Supersize me” was also pretty cool. If you’re in Oz you may have seen the manager of McDonald’s Australia on TV ads attempting to debunk Supersize Me. Obviously he’s trying to save his arse, but I think seeing the ads first and then seeing the doco pointed out how the McDonald’s guy was twisting things to save himself. In the doco there was a section in the case where two teenage girls were trying to sue McDonald’s. The lawyers stated that the case could only hold water if they could prove that eating only McDonald’s caused a deterioration in a person’s physical well-being. I don’t think there was any such information available at the time. So that’s one of the reasons why Supersize Me exists as a doco today – to prove that exact point. Anyone, even wankerchops, know that eating only junk food for a month is going to be pretty unhealthy, but no-one’s actually set out to prove that before. Again, in-your-face documentaries like this can only be a good thing I reckon. McDonald’s have changed their tune since then, even though they insist it’s not a reflex response to Supersize me.

Well, this is sort of weird. I’ve actually got to the point where I have now booked my flights to both the consulate in Melbourne for my visa and for the actual trip to the US. The visa interview is on the 27th July and the day I fly out is the 30th July. That doesn’t leave a lot of time for all the stuff I want to get done, but we’ll see how it goes. I’ve organised transport of my guitar, amp, computer and extra clothes via air freight to the US but I still have to organise a place to live as well as a rental car. Most of this is handled by other people though, so it should be ok.

Check this out though – when I was looking at the distance between Fort Lauderdale (where I will be landing) and Plantation (where I will be working), I saw something that was a little too close to home. This was from a mapquest map search:



Did you see it? Down near the bottom – Riverland! That’s the same name of the area where I grew up in South Australia. Weird.

I’ve added all the (sort of) non-incriminating pics from my farewell to my webshots account, which you can find here. Yeah, I felt compelled to write comments for each photograph, and I really was running out of ideas.